If you’ve ever had a horse or been riding as a child you’ll understand that deep connection. That complete sense of having that beautiful strong majestic soul who just accepts you for who you are, no matter what. The fabulous smell of their sweet breath when they are face to face with you. When you are cheek to cheek – that soft muzzle that tries to find things in your pockets and just knows when you have a polo mint or piece of carrot for them.
My name means lover of horses, and I have had horses in my life since a child. I have always adored being around them, but I never really appreciated just how deep their energy was until the breakdown of my marriage almost 10 years ago.
When a long term relationship starts to come to an end, it’s the pain you feel. The pain you feel when you just know that you can’t carry on. You’ve given everything and your tank is completely empty – there’s nothing left. You feel weary, you feel guilty – you just feel so heavy and fearful.
You’re fearful of what comes next. You can’t even think about what comes next, as you know that what you have to do is going to be so painful for your children and both extended families. It’s going to change everyday life for everyone around you. You have an appreciation of that, but the enormity of your relationship ending is just the pebble falling into the water – you don’t realise the ripples and how far they will stretch once those words come out of your mouth, and the genie is out of the bottle.
But when your soul, your life force is being strangled you don’t appreciate how it’s eventually going to feel when you break through and allow the change to happen. How freeing that will eventually feel. Having the intention of wanting to do things with integrity and love and then having to deal with the outfall, the hurt, the visible hate hurled at you, all from daring to rock the boat. It all takes its toll.
Having my horse here, became my rock, my safe place. She became my confidant – my counsellor.
I found myself telling her my woes as we wound our way up the bridle paths. Her ears twitching as she listened. The healing sound from her hooves striking the ground as we walked along the lanes. The clip clopping is meditation. As we began our heart to heart, I started to feel my shoulders soften and the tension melt from my body. The creak of the saddle, the jingling of the bridle. The contact from her neck bending and the feel of her body moving beneath me. We moved as one and in those moments were transported to a different dimension. When we reached an area where I could ask for more, and with the space to gallop, I could feel her body stretching out beneath me as I rose out of the saddle to give her space. Glancing down with the ground whipping past at an alarming speed, I felt exhilaration but somehow safe, knowing that we are truly connected.
10 years on and I am living my dream. A dream that I had no sight of, all that time ago. A dream where I get to work alongside my fabulous steadfast horses and coach others to find their own inner strength.
If my words have resonated or perhaps you are seeking clarity or to fulfil your unlived dreams, yet don’t have access to a horse. My horses and I are here to help you work out what is in your heart, and support you with your way forwards, whatever that looks like for you.