You’ve spent time during the year buying thoughtful gifts for your loved ones. You’ve listened out for signals to gauge what their perfect gift would be, and are looking forward to seeing their faces when they open it.

But what about you?

When it will be your turn?

Despite dropping the biggest hints all year about your favourite perfume, and how lovely those boots in the XX store are, or leaving the catalogue open at just the right page…not quite with big arrows and your size highlighted, as that would be a bit too obvious, right?

Yet still you receive the same old blah every year. Or even worse, your partner actually has to ask you WHAT you’d like – arggghhhhh! If they loved you, they shouldn’t have to ask. They would just KNOW.

So again this year, you are hoping. Hoping that your loved ones will somehow sense your true desires and make them happen. You get a real buzz from knowing you’ve created magical experiences, but there’s a fine line between helping others and feeling unheard and undervalued yourself. These are all classic signs of people-pleasing, pre-empting the needs of others, and putting them first.

As any frequent flyer will tell you, when the oxygen masks appear, it’s essential you fit your own, before helping others.


If you are not breathing and feeling in control, then you are unable to take care of anyone else. Translated, if you think your needs are not being met, then it’s not possible to continually give to others.

In energetic terms, giving your energy to others can lead to you feeling depleted, and may result in you having feelings of both frustration and hope, that things will change. When your needs are not taken care of, you become a victim of the situation where you feel put upon, yet powerless to act differently and also resentful. This can be very draining.

Is any of this resonating with you?

Traits of people-pleasing or doing things so others will like you. Do you find yourself in a group situation being the accommodating one, not taking up too much space. This often stems from not fully valuing yourself, and having fears of being rejected. So where did this come from?

Were you the last one to be picked for team games?

Did you spend a lot of school break time on your own, or outside the ‘cool’ crowd?

Have you been overlooked for promotions? Is reading this uncomfortable?

What is coming up for you?

When you have the awareness of why you feel the way you do, you have begun your journey towards both understanding and creating a change in how you feel.

Taking the Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment will help you to identify your traits and default energetic profile in both your everyday life and where your energy goes when you’re under pressure or you are in stress.

Love yourself enough to be able to gift yourself this knowledge. Or even better, ask someone you love to gift you this.

Asking for what you would like is a start. It may be the one thing which changes how you see Christmas, and the rest of your life differently from now on.

Imagine how it would feel not to have that ‘hoping’ feeling following you around?

Christmas is about giving – yet when will it be your turn?

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